The Sun and I

Travelling through the desert,
a simple walk becomes toil
under hot sun.
Come, follow me across the sand,

despite the thirst,
the cracked lips,
aching, burning feet
and my less-than-stellar company.

I’ve always been good at directions,
won’t ever lead you wrong.
Well, ignoring pleasant plight,
in this dusty hellscape.

Can you see that in the distance?
A river, shimmering, shining.
Promising the moisture and
liquid to quench and sustain.

Fuck that. There’s a tree here.
Sit with me and we’ll drink
from this bottle I have with me.
‘Tennessee Sour Mash’.

We’re burning on the outside,
our insides can follow suit.
We can bet on what will blister first,
internal organs or skin and flesh.

I see that look on your face,
though can't work out if it is
disgust, contempt, pity or sorrow
as your turn your face from me.

Are you going? Are you even there?
I didn’t anticipate you dissolving that fast.
Come to think of it, didn’t I bury you here?
Somewhere, although it all looks much the same.

Is this why I wander back to this place,
face chafed by swirling rough clouds
rising all around? I can’t find the spot.
Perhaps this why I’ve sat here, resigned.

Knowing that the river ahead is
nothing but a mirage.
Not knowing if you are too,
or a ghost of my own choosing.

I should perhaps head to it soon,
to pull myself from this place,
not knowing if it is love or
fear that brought me here.

It's a strange thing, I realise,
as I lay against almost white-hot bark,
that as sun burns my outer self,
it also melts my world.

I’m unable to decide if
going back is the right thing
‘back to reality’
isn’t that what they say?

Reality, like a growing tumour
of sympathy and well wishes.
Cold comfort, which helps less
than this bottle and your visits.

Stuck in this barren, burning land
though, perhaps that’s a choice already made.
I have no idea how far I need to go
or even if I really want to go at all.

Maybe any spot will do, as
I ponder whether the warm liquor will
bring you back once more
or again chase you away.

At least the sun is mine.

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